Monday, May 17, 2010

Let's Talk Blogfest



Roni over at Fiction Groupie is hosting the Let's Talk Blogfest today. The rules for this blogfest are simple, just post a short excerpt of your favorite dialogue scene.

My excerpt comes from my epic fantasy, In the Seventeenth Year. Keenan and his companions have just battled an army of the evil King Xavier's soldiers. They would have lost the battle, except the beautiful Anjali, a human-elf hybrid with supernatural powers (such as creating fire - think Stephen King's Firestarter) came to their rescue. Keenan is attracted to Anjali, but he's in denial. Anjali has a secret of her own: she's engaged (against her will) to Xavier's son.



"You and that soldier called each other by name," Keenan said. "If you are an enemy of Xavier, how is it that you are so familiar with his soldiers?"

She boldly met his gaze. "I have fought his soldiers before."

"Pardon me, my lady, but it seems that anybody you may have fought in the past would be ash in the wind by now."

"I did not always have the powers I now possess."

"Is that so? I have never before heard of a half-breed developing new powers with time." Keenan had chosen his words carefully, and he enjoyed seeing the displeasure in her deep green eyes. "Half-breed" was not a kind term.

"And just how many half-breeds do you know, sir?" she snapped.

"Enough!" Nolan said. "The lady is right. We owe her a great debt. Without her Julian would be in the hands of those soldiers, possibly even dead. We will welcome her without reservation."

"Welcome her?" Keenan repeated. "What does that mean?"

Nolan looked at the elf. "You asked earlier to join our group. If the offer still stands, we will gladly accept your help."

A triumphant smile lit her face. "Thank you, sir. I will be honored to join your company."

Keenan snorted. "This is mad! She is extremely dangerous and, if you haven't noticed, on a first-name basis with Xavier's soldiers. Not only that, she's been spying on us."

"I said enough!" Nolan shouted. "When you learn to throw fireballs at Xavier's men, then maybe we will have no more need of her. Until then, we will take any help she can give us."

"Perfect," Keenan muttered. "Let's bring her along. That will make it so much more convenient for her to murder us in our sleep."

The elf tossed silky waves of hair over her shoulder and glared at Keenan. "You can rest easy, sir. If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead."



That's it! Thanks for reading. Make sure to hop over to Fiction Groupie to see the rest of the entries and check those out, too!

Side Note: I just successfully added line breaks by editing the html! Thanks for all your help and suggestions, everyone!

76 comments:

Old Kitty said...

Hi!!

Oh Yes!! There's definitely some sensual tension there between Keenan and Anjali - although Keenan is a mite too hostile with his "half-breed" comment - but then how much in denial is he?!?! A lot it would seem!!! :-)it's always the case isn't it - you use the most hurtful terms, the ones that you know would cause hurt to the one you most love!

I am liking Anjali A LOT!!!!!

This is excellent!!

Thanks for sharing!

take care
x

Susan Fields said...

Thank you, Old Kitty - your comment made me smile, as always! :) Keenan's had an extremely difficult life and he pushes everyone away. The more danger there is of becoming emotionally involved, the harder he pushes. That's what he's doing with Anjali. He was a fun character to write, though!

Christine Danek said...

Nice. Love that last part. Great job! I enjoyed this.

Piedmont Writer said...

I loved it! "If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead" Yes, yes, yes. I love strong women.

Jen said...

Susan I loved it!!! I loved the last line, way to show those tough guys they aren't so tough!!! She is fantastic, I love to read about strong woman and I am a fan of your character. It's a breath of fresh air to have such a snarky and intellegent woman taking charge!

Culture Served Raw said...

This was a very good read! Great, snappy dialogue and a remarkable character. Love your writing style - good work!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I loved it. It's great. The fireball stuff reminds me of ENNA BURNING by Shannon Hale. It's my favorite of her books.

Susan Fields said...

Christine - Thank you! I'll be over to check out your entry very soon!

Anne - Thanks! I love strong women, too - Anjali was a lot of fun to write.

Jen - Great description! Anjali is snarky and intelligent, and she knows how to put Keenan in his place. :)

Valerie - Thank you! And I enjoyed my visit to your blog and reading your latest post - you make some excellent points.

Stina - I'll have to check that book out - I seem to have fire pop up in my books a lot. I'm not sure why, since I'm not particularly interested in it, but it sure does make things exciting!

Joanne said...

I enjoyed the back-and-forth between these two. The reader will definitely get a feel that something is brewing here!

Aubrie said...

I LOVE epic fantasy. I'd buy this book right away :)

Susan Fields said...

Joanne - Thank you! I don't know why Keenan fight's it - it's so obvious!

Aubrie - Oh, thank you! After I wrote it, I discovered epic fantasy is not a popular genre at the moment. A good lesson in doing your research before you write the book! But I would have written it anyway, it was one of those books that kept coming back to haunt me, insisting I give it life!

Hema P. said...

Ha...ha, Susan! Love the firebrand of a heroine (I'm assuming she is?) in your WIP -- her last words are an indication of her supreme confidence. Nicely done!

Also, I'm not sure if it's a coincidence, but Anjali is a very common Indian name and in Sanskrit (and some of the other Indian languages) it means 'an offering' -- usually in the context of prayer!

stu said...

I like the tension here, and the promise of everything that is to come between the characters.

Charity Bradford said...

First, I love the name Anjali. If flows off the tongue so nicely. Second, great scene! I loved the tension and the last line was awesome!

Mary Anne Gruen said...

I love epic fantasy! And this was easy and fun to read. I'm interested to see how she got engaged to Xavier's son. It seems like she's on the way to breaking that engagement. LOL

Tara said...

I came hopeing to get another glimpse of your time travelers. But, I'm so glad I got a glimpse of this :) Very intriguing.

The dialogue is wonderful here!

Crystal Cook said...

Fabulous Susan! I loved this, your story has me so intrigued, I want to read all of it :) I love your characters, and that last line is simply perfect :)

Jackee said...

Cool! I love it when characters can control the elements. Only one thing, I noticed there might be a word missing on the fifth from the last line (between much and convenient). Definitely something I do... forget words....

Abby Annis said...

Awesome scene! Loved the tension between Keenan and Anjali. Great job! :)

Susan Fields said...

Hema - I didn't realize that about the name Anjali! I just saw it on a program for my niece's preschool Christmas concert and I thought it was such a beautiful name. Thanks for letting me know!

Stu - Thank you! Keenan's pretty much tense all the time, but he'll relax eventually. :)

Charity - Thank you! I love the name Anjali, too!

Mary Anne - Thanks! Anjali does have an interesting history with her fiance, but that's a whole other part of the story. :)

Susan Fields said...

Tara - Thank you! The time travellers are about ready to go out on submission, so I figured I'd keep them under wraps for the time being. Next up is a revision of this book, which I haven't looked at in over a year. I'm excited to get started!

Crystal - Thank you! Keenan and Anjali were a lot of fun to write. :)

Jackee - You're absolutely right! Thanks for pointing that out, I already went in and fixed it. How can I read something at least ten times and not notice that? Funny...

Abby - Thank you! I did enjoy this scene with Keenan and Anjali, she does know how to put him in his place. :)

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Fantastic dialog exchanges! You sprinkled the perfect amount of emotion across the spoken words and balanced the dialog with action. Anjali's parting words to Keenan were priceless!

Sharon Gerlach said...

I love the sarcasm and the by-play between Anjali and Keenan while Nolan is trying to mediate. Nicely done! ;-)

Myrna Foster said...

LOVED this! I didn't know you had an epic fantasy up your sleeve.

Christine H said...

This is really great. I'd love to read the rest!

I have just one tiny nitpick: When Anjali asks, "How many half-breeds have you known?" the next word is "Enough!"

I thought Keenan was saying he's known enough half-breeds to form his opinion. Turns out it's someone else speaking and they mean "Enough bickering." So perhaps you might consider starting that with: Nolan said, "That's enough!" to make it clearer.

Christine H said...

Oh, and Susan, I feel the same way about my fantasy novel... it won't let me go so I keep working on it, even though I don't think it will sell. That's why my profile says "I have a dysfunctional relationship with a very persistent novel."

Kristie Cook said...

This was great! Just like everyone else, love the last line. Sounds like a fun story to write. Can't wait to read more! ;-)

L'Aussie said...

Fairly hums with tension. Excellent work, great dialogue. Sounds like we'd all like to read more, which is good...

Write Chick said...

I like it. This blog hop has been awesome. I love reading all the entries. Really good. I have to admire anyone who can take on an EPIC novel. I want to read more.

Patricia A. Timms said...

Great dialogue. I can picture the scene very well. I bet Keenan is very good looking, I wonder how you pictured him. Keenan sounds like just the type of guy every girl would want to prove herself to and Anjali sound like just the perfect kind of girl to get the job done!

Angela M. said...

Love your MC. She can definitely hold her own in a scrap! This is exactly the kind of book I like to read. Very nice balance.

Thanks also for following my blog. It's so exciting to watch it grow and so much fun to find other great new blogs to follow. I think I'm addicted :)

Jojomama said...

Fun! I love reading about tough chicks! (= Saucy and bold, but underneath is a vulnerable spot. Cool.

Susan Fields said...

Nicole - Thank you for the nice compliments! You made me smile big. :)

Sharon - Thanks! And thanks for stopping by and reading - I love new visitors!

Myrna - I know! I thought I was going to be an epic fantasy writer until I discovered how few agents rep it, and then I fell in love with paranormal romance so this one kind of got left in the dust. I'm going to get it back out and polish it up soon, though. :)

Christine - Thanks for your suggestion! I'll definitely try to clear that up, and I can see how it would be confusion. "A dysfunctional relationship with a very persistent novel" - I love it!

Susan Fields said...

Kristie - I'm thinking about entering parts of this in future blogfests, so stay tuned!

L'Aussie - Thanks!

Write Chick - I love the blog hops too - it's great to visit all sorts of different blogs you never would have found otherwise. I've really been impressed with the quality of all the entries.

Patricia - It's funny, I just posted about how I like to use famous actors/actresses for my characters, but Keenan was just a picture I cut out of a magazine. You're right - he's very good looking! :)

Susan Fields said...

Angela - One of my favorite things about blogfests (besides all the wonderful comments people leave that totally make my day) is getting to visit other blogs I'd never know about otherwise. It's always a lot of fun!

Jojomama - Yes, Anjali was a great character to write, she can definitely hold her own with the boys (I suppose those fireballs don't hurt!) :)

Amalia T. said...

Love this line: "When you learn to throw fireballs at Xavier's men, then maybe we will have no more need of her." Interesting Scene! Keenan's suspicion should make for some excellent tension!

Shelley Sly said...

This is awesome! I like and care about your characters already, and I'm intrigued by Anjali. Well done, I really like it!

Stephanie McGee said...

That was fun! Great voices. You hardly need dialogue tags at all. Very nice excerpt.

Ruth Donnelly said...

Enjoyed your excerpt, Susan--the dialogue is very engaging & makes me want to read more! Thanks for commenting on my blog.

ralfast said...

Sounds like something ripped out of our gaming table, with the "murdered in our sleep" bit thrown in for authenticity! :D

Great stuff.

Margo Berendsen said...

This was really good! the dialogue was too short - I was just getting into it. You didn't even have to give the "fire-starter" explanation - your dialogue was so good that all that became clear (which means you're not only good at dialogue, but also good at providing info without info-dumping.

Also I can't help but love your "About Me" description. Replace the coffee with tea, and it could almost be my description of myself. I am a mom who has to write late at night when everyone is in bed too. I also love to study the Bible; I also love Stardust; and I also love to write fantasy primarily and every story must have some romance. Yeah! (sorry for rambling on so long.)

Susan Fields said...

Amalia - Thank you! Keenan and Anjali have a bumpy road ahead of them, especially since he's suspicious and she's keeping secrets! :)

Shelley - Thank you! I do miss these characters...I'm going to get back to this novel very soon.

Stephanie - I do avoid dialogue tags whenever possible...they say you should mainly use "said" but sometimes it seems like every other word is "said." So then I put in all these actions, which sometimes I overdo, I think. So thank you for your nice comment!

Ruth - You're very welcome, thank you for commenting on mine, too!

Susan Fields said...

Ralfast - Thank you! I was just over at your blog and noticed the Snape poster a few posts down. Made me laugh - definitely some truth there, though!

Margo - Thank you for the nice compliments! And I think we are twins - how fun! I'll look forward to many more visits to your blog! :)

VR Barkowski said...

Outstanding dialogue, not a single wasted word and it moves both the story and the characters forward. Superlative job. And I loved Anjalie's "You can rest easy, sir. If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead." Touché!

Angie said...

Good scene. It creates a lot of tension and characterization too. Nice job!

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Oooo, I loved that line about anyone fighting her would be ash in the wind. These characters are intriguing and the dialogue snaps. Wonderful! And I would so read this book.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Susan--I know (better than most) how wonderful this manuscript is! I can't wait until it is a book...You made me like fantasy! I hope you have In The Seventeenth Year on submission in LOTS of places. :)

Jade said...

I LOVED the last line!!
I loves me some strong, awesome female characters.

Great job!!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Out Texas way, as Samuel McCord would say, you call someone half-breed, you best be on a first name basis with the Almighty.

Love the tension and interplay here. You did a magnificent job of sucking the reader in and keeping him/her interested. Bravo, Susan.

Roland

Susan Fields said...

VR - Thank you! I really appreciate your nice compliments. :) And I hope your unplugged time is very productive!

Angie - Thanks!

Tricia - Thank you - I truly hope this book will find a home someday so it can be read, there's too much of my blood, sweat, and tears in there to let it just sit in the drawer (or the computer hard drive), which is where it is right now. :(

Susan Fields said...

Sharon - First I have to get in gear and make the revisions that were suggested, then I can start submitting it again. Thanks so much for all your awesome support!

Jade - Strong female characters are great, aren't they? Especially when they're up against guys who think they run the show. :)

Roland - I love that about being on a first name basis with the Almighty. :) Yes, Keenan's definitely stepping on some toes here! Luckily Anjali's got enough self-control not to burn him up. :)

Tabitha Bird said...

Thanks for visiting my blog :)

Loved the writing here! And I love a strong female character too. Well done.

Tina Lynn said...

That last line sealed it for me! Love her! Great three way dialogue. Lots of fun:)

Christina Lee said...

GREAT entry. I think you made me develop a crush on Keenan too!

Susan Fields said...

Tabitha - Thank you for visiting my blog as well, it's great to have you here! And thanks for the nice compliments. :)

Tina - Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

Susan Fields said...

Christina - What a nice compliment - thank you! Keenan is very good looking, I might add. :)

Theresa Milstein said...

"Pardon me, my lady, but it seems that anybody you may have fought in the past would be ash in the wind by now."

Love that.

"You can rest easy, sir. If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead."

Love that too.

Susan Fields said...

Theresa - Thank you! Those are my two favorite lines in there, too. :)

Lisa and Laura said...

Oh, I love this! Your last line ROCKS!

Velva said...

Love it! You writers know how to have fun with your blogs ;-)

Susan Fields said...

Theresa - Thank you! Those are my two favorite lines, too. :)

Susan Fields said...

Thanks Theresa!

Susan Fields said...

As you may have guessed, I was having trouble getting Blogger to publish my comments. I didn't mean to answer you twice, Theresa!

Susan Fields said...

Lisa and Laura - Thank you! I just love Anjali...

Velva - I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Dawn Simon said...

Great scene, Susan! I also love your title.

Susan Fields said...

Dawn - Thank you! It was actually Sharon Mayhew that suggested that title, and I fell in love with it right away. Thanks, Sharon!

Ju Dimello said...

Wow, I loved the last sentence ;) Just perfect and left me wanting more. ! Delivered with "sir" the effect was awesome !

TerryLynnJohnson said...

this was so great! Especially the punch line. I was supposed to join this too, but forgot the date! Missed a good one.
Way to go with yours.

Susan Fields said...

Ju - Thank you! One thing I love about epic fantasy is the language - so much fun!

Terry Lynn - Thank you! I'm sorry you missed the blogfest, too - it was a lot of fun. :)

Yaya' s Home said...

Hi Susan,
This looks like it was fun. Sorry I missed it. I enjoyed the scene you shared, though. Thank you.

~ Yaya
Yaya's Home

Susan Fields said...

Yaya - If you haven't entered a blogfest yet, I highly recommend them. They are a lot of fun, both to enter and to read the other entries. Thanks for coming by and reading. :)

Myrna Foster said...

LOL! What a lot of comments!

Susan Fields said...

Myrna - A lot of them are mine! Especially when Blogger was acting up and I answered Theresa's comment twice. :)

Genie of the Shell said...

Fun story! Anjali is so powerful that it makes me wonder what power Xavier must have to keep her engaged to his son against her will. And if it's against her will, wouldn't that just be additional motivation for her to incinerate the guy? So many questions!

Susan Fields said...

Genie - Oh, she'd incinerate Xavier and his son if she had the chance - in a heartbeat! Why she couldn't do it while she was imprisoned in the castle is a secret. Let's just say Xavier has his ways. :)

Deniz Bevan said...

"and just how many half-breeds do you know" ha ha! that was great :-)