This week, Cally Jackson and Rachel Morgan are hosting The Power of Tension Blogfest. We are to post an excerpt (300 words or less) that drips with tension and leaves the reader wanting to know more. My entry is from my epic fantasy, In the Seventeenth Year. Enjoy!
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“They’re coming up the walk,” the limping man said.
Keenan ignored the excited murmurs buzzing through the room. None of the others knew the reason for the meeting. Moira dismissed their questions, saying only that she would explain everything when Ellis and Garrick arrived. They gave Keenan curious stares, but Moira did not introduce him, and his sullen manner successfully discouraged any attempts at conversation.
Keenan steeled himself as he watched the door. After contemplating Moira’s story all afternoon, he still he did not know what to make of it. He would never have believed it, save for one fact: Father did not deny her claim. On the contrary, he knew exactly what she was talking about.
What interested Keenan most was that his supposed “mother” had kept his brother. If she could keep one son, why not both? Why did she leave him to face Father and his dagger night after night, while she and her other son lived a peaceful life just one hour away? If Moira was telling the truth, and he could only conclude that she was, then his mother possessed the coldest heart in all of Fairfax.
The door handle jiggled. Keenan felt a twinge of excitement, despite himself. What were these people, his “family,” like? Would his brother look like him? He had not thought to ask if they were identical twins.
“Here they come,” Moira whispered in his ear.
The door swung open.
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That's it! Thanks for reading, and please click here for links to the rest of the entries.
Have a great Monday, everyone! Did you do anything fun over the weekend? I finished painting the basement (whew!) and spent Sunday at Six Flags.
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“They’re coming up the walk,” the limping man said.
Keenan ignored the excited murmurs buzzing through the room. None of the others knew the reason for the meeting. Moira dismissed their questions, saying only that she would explain everything when Ellis and Garrick arrived. They gave Keenan curious stares, but Moira did not introduce him, and his sullen manner successfully discouraged any attempts at conversation.
Keenan steeled himself as he watched the door. After contemplating Moira’s story all afternoon, he still he did not know what to make of it. He would never have believed it, save for one fact: Father did not deny her claim. On the contrary, he knew exactly what she was talking about.
What interested Keenan most was that his supposed “mother” had kept his brother. If she could keep one son, why not both? Why did she leave him to face Father and his dagger night after night, while she and her other son lived a peaceful life just one hour away? If Moira was telling the truth, and he could only conclude that she was, then his mother possessed the coldest heart in all of Fairfax.
The door handle jiggled. Keenan felt a twinge of excitement, despite himself. What were these people, his “family,” like? Would his brother look like him? He had not thought to ask if they were identical twins.
“Here they come,” Moira whispered in his ear.
The door swung open.
****************************************
That's it! Thanks for reading, and please click here for links to the rest of the entries.
Have a great Monday, everyone! Did you do anything fun over the weekend? I finished painting the basement (whew!) and spent Sunday at Six Flags.
52 comments:
Wow, that was good, but were they identical or not?!?!
I loved how this ended, with Moira's whisper!
This weekend we went to Kansas City--a little too close to the tornados, for my comfort level!
I'm not a participant, but I enjoyed reading this so much. Now I WANT TO KNOW what happens after the door swung open.
Yikes! You've done a great job here!! I REALLY want to know what happened and what happens next! Nice writing :)
This is a fine excerpt to demonstrate tension. I was wondering why the guy was limping at the start of this piece. Now I want to know what happens when the door opens.
Wow - talk about a cliffhanger! Thanks, Susan!
Glad to hear you had a good weekend (besides the basement painting!).
This is an interesting dynamic. I loved it!
Great tension going on here, and bringing family into the mix definitely serves to heighten it even more!
I managed to squeeze in a little gardening in the couple hours of sunshine eeked out of the weekend!
Lovely building of tension. So many questions waiting to be answered. Nice job!
Nice! This'll be fun!
Great job! Definitely filled with unresolved questions.
That was great and I so want to know what happened next! Nice job! :)
Bad Susan!!! What happened?!!?? Who or what?!?! came through the door?!?!?! Ooooh!! If this was written on paper, I'd be turning the paper over back and forth looking for what happened next!! Yay!! Great excerpt!!! Well done you! take care
x
Great job sketching the situation so quickly. I'd keep reading.
Oh that was really great!!!
This weekend? I planted flowers and hung out with friends. It was fun. :-)
This was a great piece - making me want for more!
Grace
Nice work! Great excerpt :)
So what happens when the door opens? - Great job!
Sarah
Wow - fascinating! I very much want to read on and find out how the reunion goes! And how their lives in general progress from here.
I feel the mystery of what his family will be like, and I also feel the resentment. The tension with the door clicking and what would be on the other side made me want to read on. Great job! :D
It's working! I want more!
Wow, great emotional tension! A refreshing change from all the action-packed scenes entries! Great job!
So many unanswered questions. I guess if we want the answers, we just have to read the book, right? ;-)
Thanks for entering, Susan!
Oh wow, love the topic you've chosen for your tense moment. Leaves us all wondering and hoping with him :O)
Nice work! You've definitely piqued my curiousity.
BTW, I answered your editing question on my blog today! Stop by for your answer.
Ooh, that last whisper really did it for me. It really amps up the already tense feeling. Great job.
Edge of Your Seat Romance
Great scene! Leaves me wanting more!
I love the inner contemplation!!
Well done! I hope to read more blogfest posts. :)
Oooh! And then what?
Oh I so want to know what they're like! This was a slow build tension, but it was great. :)
Okay, I want to know what happened! I'm guessing Keenan's opinion of his mother isn't quite accurate. She must have had a good reason for leaving him. Loved the tease about "Father and his dagger"
I want to know what happened too! Thanks for sharing and about the tension blog fest.
Well done. I love that you took time to build up the tension. Interesting details wove through the prose. What the reader can "read" between the lines is even more intriguing...
Love the cliffhanger at the end and need to hear more about this family! Well done.
Great excerpt. :D
Congrats on the basement. Want to do mine next?
That was great. Now I'm curious about what all this is about.
Excellent tension. I want to know what his family is like!
Anticipation and excitement. This works great as an entry to the blogfest!
Oh my gosh! Such great tension. =)
I definitely want to know who came through the door!! It dripped with tension - good job!
Wait, I want to see who is coming in the door. :)
Wow! That's packed with tension, Susan. :o) Can't wait to read more. Thanks for sharing!!!
Hi, I'm dropping in from Rachel's fest. I really enjoyed what you wrote, wanted to know more - loved that ending! Great job!
Dun, dun, duuuun! I sense a confrontation about to explode!
What a way to hook your audience. Well done!
Ooo...I'm hooked. Please give us the rest of the scene! Fantastic tension.
Power Of Tension Blogfest
This story could go in so many directions. That's what build tension. What would the twin look and be like? Wow! Could he be evil disguised as good, then blame his brother for his murders?
Wow! Well done. I definitely want to know what happens next!
(BTW, my brother's name is Garrick - I've never heard it used anywhere else!)
Now that is tension - getting ready to meet part of your family for the first time - and they're right there on the other side of the door!
Thanks for entering :-)
Beeeautifully done! I love that you went with the family drama concept - always makes for great, tense scenes. Good job!
But... I need to know MORE! Great job leaving us hanging!
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